The Big 4-0

Monday, January 14th, 2013

I can’t believe that I am 40 years old.  I know I blog often about how fast the time seems to be going lately, but it REALLY does just fly by.

I remember thinking when I was 35, “I’m halfway to 40” and about all the big plans I wanted to have done by the time that age hit.

Know what?

I still am overweight.  I still am not married.  I still have not gotten pregnant.

And you know what else?

Even though I do feel a tinge of disappointment that I am not “together enough” or “determined enough” or “strong enough” to get my life together, I also realize (maybe it’s my wisdom that comes from getting older)…

I AM A WORK IN PROGRESS!!

I am better than I was!

I may still be overweight…but I have lost over 10 pounds since Thanksgiving…and continue to lose and this time I feel so different…I feel like THIS IS MY TIME.

I may not be married…but I am with someone I love tremendously.  We have held off on marriage because we often think of what others think, more than how we feel.  So this may be the year…as I get older I also realize that I CAN’T PLEASE EVERYBODY…and IT’S REALLY NOT HEALTHY TO TRY.  So often I want to make others happy before myself.  Why is that?  Why am I not important??

I may never have gotten pregnant…and I may never.   And if that is the case…that is OKAY too.  This is something that I really need to deeply think about.  I always thought I wanted children and maybe when I was younger this would have been an impulsive easy decision.  But by being gay, there’s always more thought involved in this decision.  Am I ready?  I don’t know…financially we are just making it.  I don’t know if I want to have the responsibility, the work, the craziness…but then sometimes I do.  This will take a lot more thought.  And that’s okay.

As I reflect on the start of my 40th year of life I think…THIS IS MY YEAR.

The year to DO.

The year to START LOVING MYSELF UNCONDITIONALLY.

The year to HAVE MORE CONFIDENCE IN MYSELF.

I’m very excited about this year…

This year’s birthday was very low-key.  Every other year I have always had off for my birthday, but this year I worked the night before which meant I turned 40 at work…and it was busy, busy, busy.  A good portion of our staff is out sick with the flu.  We are a masked unit (did you ever wear a mask for over 12 hours??!!! NOT FUN!).  I stayed late to help with staffing issues and to earn a little OT.  I agreed to stay until 9 am, but of course that meant that I got out at 10:30!  Home by 11 and by that time, really laid down for just a quick nap 🙂

A walk/run with Izzy before dinner…which was pizza and fries…SO GOOD!

Presents…

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My sweetie did good (and went WAY over budget this year!)…

2 books

$25 iTunes Gift Certificate (more music!!)

$25 Amazon Gift Certificate (books for my new Kindle!!)

5 framed “inspirational” quote prints (I was so amazed and proud of her for this…it took thought, it took time, it took craftiness!)

I loved it all 🙂

Cake…

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Will and Grace was watched…loved all the laughs…SO NEEDED!

I was blessed with birthday blessings from multiple friends on Facebook and a phone call from my parents…my mom also can’t believe how fast the time has gone…

Here’s to an AWESOME year!!!  Bring on the 40s (as my friend Sarah said, “they ARE the new 30s!!!!)

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Published in: on January 14, 2013 at 11:00 pm  Comments (2)  

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2 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Happy Birthday Kaye!! I agree that time is flying by these days. Sounds like a wonderful birthday celebration to me. Birthdays bring out something similar to the new year. The older I get the less I care about pleasing everyone as long as I’m not doing anything to hurt anyone.

    I may not have had the exact same situation as you and Kimm, but I sure do know what it’s like to have friends and family question your decision to get married. I married my husband in his country. My mother was totally against it. I lost a couple of good friends because they felt I betrayed my family. I know that it hurt people close to me to not only get married so far away without them there, but also because I married someone they felt would cause my life to be more challenging. Here we are nearly 14 years later and everyone in my life adores my husband and respects our 11 year marriage. I knew I had to follow my heart on that one and I never once doubted myself.

    You and Kimm clearly have something special marriage or not. Yet a wedding is a wonderful way to share your commitment and love for one another with the people who love and care for you both. You deserve that if it’s what you want.

    I will be 40 this year too and I agree with Sarah. I’m definitely feeling better than ever and I think the 40s will be fantastic. I hope you stay clear of the wrath of the flu. I can’t believe how many of your staff has gotten it. I am bringing Lysol to work on Thursday!! Happy 40th Kaye.

    • Aimee…thank you so much for your words…you have a way with the written word that is so sincere and honest and I know that you feel deeply what you write. It truly is a gift. I am glad you shared that story about your husband because it helps put things in perspective and shows me that change is always happening and feelings that may be now have the ability to morph into something wonderful.


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