Monday, January 14th, 2013
I can’t believe that I am 40 years old. I know I blog often about how fast the time seems to be going lately, but it REALLY does just fly by.
I remember thinking when I was 35, “I’m halfway to 40″ and about all the big plans I wanted to have done by the time that age hit.
I still am overweight. I still am not married. I still have not gotten pregnant.
And you know what else?
Even though I do feel a tinge of disappointment that I am not “together enough” or “determined enough” or “strong enough” to get my life together, I also realize (maybe it’s my wisdom that comes from getting older)…
I AM A WORK IN PROGRESS!!
I am better than I was!
I may still be overweight…but I have lost over 10 pounds since Thanksgiving…and continue to lose and this time I feel so different…I feel like THIS IS MY TIME.
I may not be married…but I am with someone I love tremendously. We have held off on marriage because we often think of what others think, more than how we feel. So this may be the year…as I get older I also realize that I CAN’T PLEASE EVERYBODY…and IT’S REALLY NOT HEALTHY TO TRY. So often I want to make others happy before myself. Why is that? Why am I not important??
I may never have gotten pregnant…and I may never. And if that is the case…that is OKAY too. This is something that I really need to deeply think about. I always thought I wanted children and maybe when I was younger this would have been an impulsive easy decision. But by being gay, there’s always more thought involved in this decision. Am I ready? I don’t know…financially we are just making it. I don’t know if I want to have the responsibility, the work, the craziness…but then sometimes I do. This will take a lot more thought. And that’s okay.
As I reflect on the start of my 40th year of life I think…THIS IS MY YEAR.
The year to DO.
The year to START LOVING MYSELF UNCONDITIONALLY.
The year to HAVE MORE CONFIDENCE IN MYSELF.
I’m very excited about this year…
This year’s birthday was very low-key. Every other year I have always had off for my birthday, but this year I worked the night before which meant I turned 40 at work…and it was busy, busy, busy. A good portion of our staff is out sick with the flu. We are a masked unit (did you ever wear a mask for over 12 hours??!!! NOT FUN!). I stayed late to help with staffing issues and to earn a little OT. I agreed to stay until 9 am, but of course that meant that I got out at 10:30! Home by 11 and by that time, really laid down for just a quick nap
A walk/run with Izzy before dinner…which was pizza and fries…SO GOOD!
My sweetie did good (and went WAY over budget this year!)…
$25 iTunes Gift Certificate (more music!!)
$25 Amazon Gift Certificate (books for my new Kindle!!)
5 framed “inspirational” quote prints (I was so amazed and proud of her for this…it took thought, it took time, it took craftiness!)
I loved it all
Will and Grace was watched…loved all the laughs…SO NEEDED!
I was blessed with birthday blessings from multiple friends on Facebook and a phone call from my parents…my mom also can’t believe how fast the time has gone…
Here’s to an AWESOME year!!! Bring on the 40s (as my friend Sarah said, “they ARE the new 30s!!!!)